Word!

Okay okay - I know that people make fun of New Year's resolutions. I myself have never been much of a resolution type. In fact, even as I'm making a resolution I can feel in the back of my brain that it's a lie and I even resent it - it makes me instantly rebellious and I know I'm barely going to try to keep it...

Apparently, I don't like to be told what to do - even by myself!

I'm mostly talking about my own personal goals, by the way. I will say this - I've never in my life missed an external deadline, professionally. If it has to get done, it does...but honestly, even then I do it in my own way and I manage my time, well, my way. I do not respond well to micromanaging - either from someone else or my own little bossy voice in my head - guess it's the rebelliousness rearing its matted head - but I have always manage to er - get 'er done when I must. (Now, it's entirely possible that others may not approve of the manner in which I go about it. To them I will say, rudely, " Too f*!#ing bad.) I know who I am and how I accomplish things and I don't care if others are finished weeks in advance; I finish on time and I'm rarely stressed about it. I also know that whatever I need to "do" is in my mind even when I'm not consciously planning and when I need them the ideas are there in the universe, and they present themselves. It works for me, anyway but I'm not telling anyone else how to do it. You do YOU, I say.

All that said, my entire life I've felt like I'm constantly trying to do something better or be better myself - ALL the time, which is another reason I don't really like resolutions. I am finally understanding however, that no matter how old I get, I will ALWAYS be a work in progress. True, there are definitely some "struggles" I'm pretty tired of fighting (sigh). I've come to see them as the little weights I carry - the price for being a human - hell - they seem to just be a part of me. And while I don't think I'm capable of NOT trying to change or improve them, I've finally accepted that I may never master them completely. The simple truth is that we have to have the Yin AND the Yang and that in truth, life would actually be boring without both. Also I know this: if I were somehow miraculously perfect for even a nanosecond, some new struggle/flaw would present itself because we're meant to continuously GROW. And so I will conserve my energy by accepting this fact, while still trying to improve because I want to grow. Even if it's painful.

But last year instead of a resolution or goal I chose a word - more like set an intention in the form of a word, and I really found it to be a wonderful thing. All I had to do was think of the word, and it had a hopeful, galvanizing effect on me - kind of like MAGIC! So - I'm doing it again this year, and I'm even gonna share it, because at this moment, I can tell that sharing it doesn't bring out the spiky-haired rebel in me - it actually brings me JOY!

My word for this year is CONSERVE. The simple meaning of this word protect, from harm, serves my state of mind at the moment perfectly. There are a whole host of things to which it can be applied, on both a macro and micro level.

For example, in my quilting life, I'm using the second part of the definition - to prevent from wasteful or harmful overuse. I want to focus only on using the fabric stash that I have right now, and as many of my scraps as I can as well. Will I miss out on some really cool stuff in the form of fabric (yes I'm talking to you Giucy Giuce)? It's very likely, but it's also totally okay. I have a lot of fabric at the moment, and I'm lucky enough to love all of it and have ideas for much of it, so in my mind I am only going to get background fabric when completely necessary, and I'm gonna attempt to get it by trading or thrifting it if possible. I have a strong feeling that it will add a big boost of creativity to my work as I try to just use what I have instead of following a specific vision that's in my head - that will be an extremely lovely benefit, methinks.

There are so many ways for me to CONSERVE in my life - my emotions, my attention, my resources that I find myself quite exhilarated by all the possibilities. It feels so RIGHT!

There are two things, however, I don't really want to conserve: Energy, which I know will always be replenished as long as I'm alive (and I won't waste it by trying to change things I cannot change); and Love, which is something that doesn't need to be conserved because the more you give, the more there is.

So there you have it - my word/intention for the year. I may not always hit the mark, and dammit, I am determined NOT to beat myself up when I don't, but the thrill of excitement I feel about giving it a shot makes me already feel successful in a weird way, and the intention is to count any conservation, no matter how small, as a win. Maybe the small wins will become lasting changes - that would be great, but I'm not asking for anything and I'm not judging it either. I'm just walking down the conservation road and seeing where it leads me.

Should be an interesting trip.

Do YOU make New Year's resolutions or set intentions? Do you have a magic way of keeping them or helping yourself reach your goals? I would love to hear about it.